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PM Forum - Toronto
Dealing with difficult people and difficult situations
Judging by the full house in Toronto May 27, 2009, there must be many issues with difficult people in professional firms.
Catherine Mitchell, Director of Program Development at Gem Communications Inc. developed the overall theme content and moderated an excellent panel. Marjorie Shore, principal at The Coaching Clinic and a psychologist; Evelyn Dempsey, the Director of Marketing and Business Development at the law firm Gowling Lafleur Henderson LLP and Linda Speedy, HR Director at KPMG provided excellent observations and recommendations for dealing with difficult people in a well orchestrated presentation.
Shore provided the framework by defining the generation gaps present in many firms today. Traditionalists, Boomers, Shadow Boomers, Nexus and Millennial as they are called all have a different perspective on communication and style. As she said “you will be more successful in getting things done, if you understand the style of the person you are dealing with.”
When dealing with overly assertive colleagues Speedy offered a sensible idea. “Your job is not to change the person” she said. “Your job is to get the job done.” Speedy cautioned against taking anything personally. Since we all come to the table with a set of values and styles what we should be doing is trying to understand the others working with us.
By human nature we tend to see others as the difficult person. As Dempsey pointed out – maybe it is me! And likely we don’t know it. She went further, “subject yourself to 360 degree feedback wherever possible.” She added, “Seek honest feedback from colleagues about how you are perceived and if necessary be honest and accept criticism graciously.”
Of course difficult situations are always around us and it is impossible to avoid them. But there are some handy tools we can all employ. “First, be a good communicator” said Dempsey. “Then, look at things from others’ perspectives and be sure to plan for differences and hone your skills of persuasion”.
Dempsey added, “Establish the contract in advance, be certain on expectations.” She observed that often a ‘difficult’ person has a reputation. Dempsey offered that seeking counsel from others who deal with this person is often wise.
All panellists agreed that not taking it personally was key to getting the job done without undue damage. Dempsey offered a great idea to support staff. “Walk them through the possibilities if you know they will deal with someone with a difficult reputation. “That way they can anticipate and be prepared and will likely obtain a better outcome with less stress.”
“In the end all we can control is ourselves” said Shore. Her parting words struck a cord. “Remember, no relationship can be created efficiently.” The audience groaned in agreement.
Brian Cope
Promarc Consulting Group Inc.
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